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Proposition Infinity/Transcript
Credits: Dictated But Not Read. :['''Scene': Amy's apartment. Kif and Amy are watching Channel √2 News.]'' Linda: TV We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? Jim: TV in the burning hovercopter. The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. hovercopter explodes. Linda: TV laughs One for the blooper reel. Kif: The news is so violent. Let's watch instead. No, wait. There might be chopping. Amy: God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. Kif: You know full well that I am more closely related to the . Amy: Not where it counts. Morbo: TV I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Linda: TV Police have no idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art. :the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender :['''Scene': New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables.]'' Bender: chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head That is one sexy bridge abutment. :lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a [[Richard Nixon's head|Richard Nixon] "Despair" poster (parodying the ) and a tube transport station. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"] Hyper-Chicken: Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. crashes his [[hovercar] and crows loudly] :is still putting graffiti on various buildings. Bender: The key is knowing precisely where to strike. last building turns out to be URL's back Oops! URL: Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender. Smitty: You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. URL: It does sorta class-up the place. :over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00 Clock: The time is 4 am. :['''Scene': Amy's apartment]'' Amy: We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Kif: Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. Amy: We're just going through a rough patch. Kif: It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. :points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone '''Amy': Leave Todd out of this! Todd: Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. plays a tune :[Kif sighs.] :[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign] Amy: Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? picture is displayed over the phone Bender: Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Amy: Oh, no! Bender: That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out. Amy: I don't have that kind of money laying around. Bender: Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait! :['''Scene': Will Riker's Island, prison interior. Bender, Roberto, Joey Mousepad and other criminals are in a cell.]'' Roberto: walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. stabs at Bender Bender: I better carve a shiv for protection. pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife URL: opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him. Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. Bender: Oh! Thank God. hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Larry the Murder Burglar: Amy Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar. Amy: Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. Kif: Amy, that man's a criminal! Amy: I was just checking out his tats. looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a . The house explodes. Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? Larry the Murder Burglar: Sure. :shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently. :clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion Kif: Amy I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Amy: Quit exaggerating. :criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat. Criminal: Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! Amy: Giggling Oh! You're bad! URL: performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal Momma said, Spock you out! Kif: That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. walks off. Amy looks heartbroken. Bender: is holding the accordion. Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, singing Let's go already! :['''Scene': Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists.'' Pan over the various exhibits, from feet to underpants, pelvis and Calculon's agent. Bender, Fry, Leela and Amy are seated at a table]'' Leela: Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous. Amy: Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Bender: Yeah, the game of . laughs Security woman: Excuse me, sir, are those yours? is wearing Chewbacca's feet Bender: You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. opens his chest cabinet revealing . She barks Fry: Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? Amy: No. Technically we were Fonfon rus, so we weren't really married. Bender: Wow! The interesting thing about that is starts snoring Leela: So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? Amy: He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. Bender: The truth is often stupid. blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash Amy: Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Bender: Shut up, baby, you love it. Amy: Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up? Bender: What? :['''Scene': Amy's apartment. Amy and Bender are in bed together.]'' Amy: That was great. Bender: Shut up. climbs on top of him and they start kissing Come over here. :['''Scene': Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]'' Amy: Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Bender: Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. begin kissing :['''Scene': Planet Express Meeting room. The crew is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' Hermes: I think I'm coming down with circusitis. sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, orange wig, and rubber nose. Leela: I thought circusitis only affected children. Hermes: Children of all ages. Zoidberg: Bender, old friend. What's on your face? Bender: has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up. Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard. Fry: Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Amy: Uh, maybe. So what? Fry: I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. Bender: clears his throat Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. Hermes: Oh, my swollen feet. takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes. I better take my pills. opens the container and rubber springs fly out :['''Scene': NNY street]'' Bender: Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. Amy: Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. kiss Preacherbot: Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! Bender: Oy, this guy. Preacherbot: The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. :crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot Bender: Look! A single mother! Let's get her! crowd runs off :and Amy walk off :['''Scene': Planet Express ship basement.]'' Farnsworth: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there. Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. over the individual jars of weather I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a tornado, it has Bender's graffiti on it. That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. Leela: How is that? Professor zaps with the prod and she screams. Farnsworth: Get out there! :['''Scene': Planet Tornadus. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and devices to extract the tornado.]'' Leela: Is everybody in position? Amy: What? Zoidberg: Is someone talking? Leela: Okay, good. On three. One. Hermes: What did she say? Leela: Two. Bender: Wait, I'm not in position. is being blown around by the winds Leela: Three. Zoidberg: I'm ready for the countdown. Leela: I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! Fry: She said, "Go!" :begins shooting wildly at the tornado. :['''Scene': Planet Express Ship basement]'' Farnsworth: Good work, everyone. tornado has somehow been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose. Leela: Honestly, that went better than I expected. Farnsworth: I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. puts the leaf into the pickle jar. Fry: Hey, where's Amy and Bender? Zoidberg: They're missing out on some hot pickle action. licks his mouth flaps. :Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling. Hermes: Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. :sweatshirt whips around in the tornado. Leela: That's Amy's sweatshirt! :hat appears Fry: And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! Hermes: Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! Farnsworth: presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind. Oh, the humanity! Also Bender! Amy: whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing. Uh-oh! Farnsworth: What's going on here? Bender: Uh. antenna recedes. Nothing. :['''Scene': Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth.]'' Farnsworth: A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof! Bender: What about on the roof? Farnsworth: Get your mind out of the gutter! Bender: What about in the gutter? Leela: Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality. Hermes: Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. Zoidberg: Or one! Amy: Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as my parents don't find out. Farnsworth: Zai jian. hangs up his cellphone and begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there. Amy: Mom? Dad? Leo: Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy Atta girl! :Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling Bender: Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling! Preacherbot: doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there Repent! Bender: Oy, this guy. magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off. :['''Scene': Wong Ranch. No ]'' Inez: Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great. Amy: I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex- Leo: across her. You finish that word, you kill your parents. Wine Bucket: Low wine level detected. fills Amy's glass Amy: Thank you. Leo: Stop seducing him, you hussy! Amy: Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! Wine Bucket: tear rolls down its face Hopes deleted. :['''Scene': Camp Rectifier. Praying on the weak since 2976.]'' Preacherbot: Robotic brothers, the path to Robot Hell is paved with human flesh. :addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, [[Fatbot], and an unknown robot] Bender: Neat! Preacherbot: Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. Robosexual Robot: But I read in Esqwired that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Preacherbot: Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? Hermaphrobot: I'll take a-three-men, holla! :['''Scene': Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' Inez: Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! is a line of men standing near the porch. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Amy: Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers. Fry: up What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Leo: Fry! What you doing here? Fry: I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from her robosexual desires. winks. Amy: If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? winks back. Leo: Look at all that awkward winking. Inez: It must be love. and Amy walk off :['''Scene': Planet Express ship]'' Amy: My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. :['''Scene': Camp Rectifier]'' Preacherbot: campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Fatbot: Look at the rack on that one! Oh! I mean, that one on the rack! Preacherbot: blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them. Good! That's real good! wipes away some sweat. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. campers all switch dummies. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes! Ouch! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. Bender: Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! Amy: I'm inside the dummy to rescue you. Bender: That answers that. Wait... Amy? begins kissing the demon Leela: and Leela can be heard groaning Bender, be careful! Bender: Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech. Zoidberg: I guess we should have waited in the ship. :['''Scene': Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]'' Bender: Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A. will you marry me? Amy: Yes! Yes! :else beside the Professor begins cheering Farnsworth: Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, checks his pulse and hears only one beat No! Zoidberg: is admiring Amy's ring Such a stone. Is it real? pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs. Horray! Farnsworth: Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! Leela: Not in Space Massachusetts. Bender: You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Hermes: Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! Amy: We're talking about robosexual marriage. Hermes: We're talking about lots of stuff. :['''Scene': Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]'' :Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head. Fry: Cool! Can you turn into a race car? Hot Dog Stand: Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Amy: stage Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Hedonism Bot: a bondage outfit Squeaky, squishy clean! Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot. Amy: But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! crowd cheers Bender: Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, to the [[Donbot] and Fanny,] man and woman, to [[Pauly Shore] and Michelle,] man and man to [[Randy Munchnik], his partner, and their poodle.] Randy: Our poodle has two daddies. Bender: Interracial, to two aliens who are half-black and half-white, Interplanetary, to a blob and a woman, even ghost and horse, ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body but not robot and human. :crowd boos and the ghost boos in a scary tone. Amy: That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. :crowd cheers Bender: If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! :montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and laughs Bender: Damn it! :montage continues while Bender gets hit by URL. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".] :['''Scene': √2 News broadcast.]'' Linda: TV As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. Morbo: TV Doooooooomed! Linda: TV More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. :Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in. Actor 1: A storm is gathering. Actor 2: A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. Actor 1: It's probably a firestorm. Actress: If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. Man: over Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. :['''Scene': Planet Express Lounge.]'' Amy: We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! Bender: But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Fry: Professor, who's debating for your side? Farnsworth: Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name. :['''Scene': Debate Hall]'' Farnsworth: to a live image of himself on a television screen. That's him! George Takei's head: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. crowd does. We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Bender: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. :crowd cheers and applauds Takei: I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? Farnsworth: This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. Bender: You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. Farnsworth: Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me is in bed with a robot. for a robot! flashback How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo? Amy: That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? Farnsworth: She didn't just leave me for a robot. She was a robot! crowd gasps. Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47. same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47. My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. crowd cheers Bender: Give me a hug. jumps the Professor George Takei's head: I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. Oh, my! :['''Scene': Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.] Linda: TV In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. Morbo: TV What's next, gay robosexual marriage? :crew cheers Amy: We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! Bender: Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots :back to Planet Express Radio announcer: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. motorcycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots. At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with "Shut Up and Love Me". :the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset. :Credits. Wailing Fungus: Singing. I told you where. I told you when. I told you how. And we'll meet up at ten. But you keep on talkin'. You keep on yackin'. Chorus: Shut up and love me! Shut up and love me! Category:Season 6 Scripts Category:Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts